How Do You Stop Living In The Past … When It Still Hurts?

Tony Robbins always added a caveat to his maxim about living in the past when I was learning from him.

He’d say, “The past does not equal the future,” and then add, “unless you live there.”

That’s a vital rider because I’ve come across many people who’d love to know how to stop dwelling on bygone days.  They got hurt, too hurt, and now they’re afraid of getting hurt again.  “Damage limitation,” they say.

It’s understandable. 

Suppose they had their heart broken.  That happened to me more than once and the gnawing, hollow, silent scream that never seems to end can sound mighty loud whenever the possibility of a new relationship hoves into view.

Perhaps they had their fingers burned on some financial deal or business opportunity.  It makes sense to play it safe forever more and stick to a steady job and perhaps look forward to a lonely but emotionally painless, (or maybe numb), old age.

It sounds sensible but it’s actually awful.

If you’re in this kind of situation, you already know what I’m talking about.  Whenever you find yourself looking forward, you immediately find yourself looking back.  It’s not with nostalgia though.  It’s with terror.

What’s more, common sense won’t cut any mustard.  You can easily understand that the person who wants to be your new lover isn’t the one who hurt you, but that doesn’t mean you can trust him or her to not turn out the same way.

The successful entrepreneur who wants to invest in your idea may not be the one who left you high and dry, but that’s not to say they wouldn’t.

You trust no one.  Not even yourself.  The only thing you’re left trusting is fear itself, and it’s holding you prisoner.

The great Earl Nightingale, the man who told us that “we become what we think about,” put it best when he said,

“Most people tiptoe through life hoping to make it safely to the grave.”

Oh boy!

Who wants that as an epitaph?

Life is a risky game, but just how do you stop living in the past when it hurt you so badly?

How can you tip the odds of winning in your favour?

Do you wait until enough time has elapsed?

Do you consider all the antecedents of whatever happened to you so that you can remove every possible tripwire before you make a move?

The problem with those types of solutions is that you can never be sure you’ve got there.

How Can There Be An Answer?

A shift in perspective is what’s needed here.

All of those attempted solutions to avoid repeating the mistakes of the past require you to control the outside world.  Not even Superman himself ever managed that feat!

It’s not possible for you to build in so many clauses and safety valves that every possible toxic eventuality is taken care of.  You won’t ever get a guarantee of your personal safety that way.

The change must come from within.

But I Couldn’t Trust Again.

I know how you feel.

I too felt that letting go of the past would be impossible after my second wife cheated on me and then left me.  I’d had it with relationships!

In fact, I spent five years living alone, convincing myself that I was happier as a middle-aged bachelor than I would be in a relationship.

Yet the truth was, I spent many weekends from Friday evening to Monday morning without seeing or speaking to a soul. 

The television and the cat were my only companions.  While friends and colleagues would celebrate that “Friday feeling,” I’d get a nauseous, sinking sensation in the pit of my stomach, as I contemplated how on earth I was going to fill the next 48 hours.

Of course, I did have some fun along the way too, but it was a miserable, pointless existence for the most part.

I’m happy to tell you that I’ve been in a joyful marriage since 2006 … but what freed me to allow me to even meet, let alone propose to, the woman of my dreams came about due to a simple yet profound shift in perspective.

It had nothing to do with trusting her.

It had everything to do with the way I felt inside.

The principles will work for any area of life you feel stuck in.

If you’d like to understand more about how you can stop living in the past, I’d like to invite you to register for my free training, “Demolish Your Demons,” where you’ll actually see for yourself how such changes are made – and how easy they are.

The training is around 2 hours, and as I mentioned, it’s free.

To register, just click this link>>> http://trevoremdon.com/mynewfuture