Letter from the Editor
Dear Reader
Welcome to Love Recovery Issue 3!
Be sure to scroll all the way down so you don’t miss a thing! This month’s video is all about keeping a relationship fresh, fun and exciting – so be sure not to miss that. Even if you’re not in that place yet, it’s all good for the future. You never know when you’ll need it!
Now, how could a rebound relationship possibly work in your favour? This month’s featured article has a new twist on that topic … so prepare for a few surprises!
The second article this month also takes a new spin on what is usually seen as a painful event. It’s title says it all, so I’ll just let you read it. It’s called, “What I’ve Learned From Lovers Who Dumped Me.” You can learn something too!
Remember, as ever, that you are WORTHY of love. There’s only one you – which makes you rarer than the rarest gem.
Keep loving yourself!
Until soon,
Trevor.
P.S. Why not join the Love Recovery Facebook group? There you can interact with other subscribers and check in with me to ask advice, share breakthroughs, get support through the tough times and make some new friends … and who knows where that could lead? Here’s the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/394165217350468/
(Just click on “Join” and wait for approval which may take a few minutes to a day or so depending what time of day it is in the UK!)
P.P.S. Please tell us what YOU would like to see written about in LRN. If you have a love recovery issue, or a tip for those on this journey, let us know and your idea could be published for hundreds, maybe thousands of readers to benefit from.
Simply write to us at loverecoverynewsletter@wizardofwisdom.com
[divider_bar_wide]divider [/divider_bar_wide]
Featured Article
How A Rebound Relationship Can Work In Your Favour
If you have broken up with the love of your life and they are in a rebound relationship, how do you get them back?
A rebound relationship is one where your ex is dating someone else to get over you. Rebound relationships keep people from having to deal with the emotions of breaking up. They’re used to help people move on from a real love.
And that’s the key to getting your ex back. She or he is in a rebound relationship to deal with losing you.
It does not matter why they lost you. It doesn’t matter if it is your fault or theirs. It doesn’t even matter who actually called the relationship off. What matters is that you have a real love.
Because virtually all relationships founded on real love can be saved.
If your ex is in a rebound relationship, the focus will be on what is wrong with your relationship. If you were a good guy she’ll probably be hanging out with a bad boy. If you were into philosophy, he’ll be watching Monday Night Football. Or, vice versa.
The fact that your ex is actually focusing on the differences in your styles is actually good for you for two reasons. His or her attention is still really all about you even when they’re with the new person. And that gives you a chance to see what they are truly looking for.
If your ex is with someone as different from you as possible, it means that they were missing something in your relationship. You can use the time they spend with rebound man or woman to improve yourself.
Let the rebound relationship run its course. Because, as your ex spends time with the new person, they’ll start to see the flaws in their new person. After a month or so with Mr. or Ms. Rebound , you’ll start to look pretty good.
That’s why you don’t want to crawl back right away. Let your ex develop the idea that he or she misses the good things in your relationship. When the time comes for him or her to make a move, be magnanimous. Welcome them back graciously. Be a new and improved partner, but don’t do the chasing.
Here are some specific steps to take when your ex is in a rebound relationship:
* Don’t try to convince them that you are the love of their life. Let them discover that for themselves! Every good salesperson knows that the best sales technique is to let the customer talk themselves into buying and the principle here is just the same.
* Don’t apologize profusely. If you did something wrong, you can say you’re sorry. Once. But move on. They know the real reason they love you.
* Don’t make promises to change. You are who you are – and that, truthfully, is also why she or he is knocking at your door again.
* Don’t try to make them see that it wasn’t your fault. They will come to appreciate that over time – but only if you haven’t made them invest energy in defending their position that it was your fault.
* Never, ever beg to be taken back.
When your ex starts going out with someone just after you break up, they’re in a rebound relationship. You can make up and get back together. Don’t despair. Instead, learn patience. This is good fruit that has to be allowed to ripen on the vine. Don’t make the mistake of picking it too soon.
[divider_bar_wide]divider [/divider_bar_wide]
Things I’ve Learned From Lovers Who Dumped Me
Okay, I’ll admit, I’ve been dumped. More than once. More than I’d like to admit, actually. And while it hurt quite a bit each time, I have to say that I have grown from the experiences. So, here are some things I’ve learned from the women who dumped me. (Bless ’em!)
#1: It takes two.
Often with the pain and heartbreak of a break up, it is easy to blame the other person for your misery. But the truth is that if the relationship was no longer working, you were part of the problem. Evaluate what went on so that you can apply the lessons to your next relationship.
#2: Give women their personal space.
Women like to cuddle and snuggle. They may seem to always be around. But they need their personal space too. Men have a tendency to be possessive. We want to keep tabs on where they’re going and what they’re doing there. If any woman has ever cheated on you, this instinct becomes stronger. But, trust is a key component in a relationship. When you invade her personal space, you send the message that you don’t trust your girlfriend. This can easily lead to the end of the relationship.
As I’m a man I’m obliged to write this from my own perspective, but I can see that all of the above could be just as true the other way around. As indeed it would also hold true for single sex relationships too.
The revision in my head says that most of us, male or female, straight or gay, like our personal space sometimes. And all of us have the potential to be possessive too. So feel free to insert whichever noun fits where I’ve written “women” – okay?
#3: You get stronger over time.
When you wake up in the morning and the hurt is so real, you may believe that you will never get over the break up. But the truth is that not only does time heal all pain, but you will emerge from the break up a stronger person. As philosopher Frederick Nietzsche said, “that which doesnít kill me only makes me stronger.”
The trick is to find ways to enjoy your own company. Start to get to know yourself better. Find your own natural rhythms, (what time do YOU like to go to sleep?), enjoy food that feels good to you, play the music you love, and so on. Indulge yourself. I’ve bought myself nice pens before now, (I happen to love quality stationery), and I once knew a woman who, after being jilted, would treat herself to a really expensive bar of soap – and then take a long, luxurious bath.
Also, get out of your head. You won’t make the pain go away by thinking it away, so stop thinking about it. To which you reasonably reply, “I can’t. It’s all I think about.”
So do something that doesn’t require thought. Go and get an aromatherapy massage, or take yourself on a pamper day. (Yes, men, we can do these things too!)
By the way, I don’t mean “get out of your skull.” Booze or drugs will add to your pain, not reduce it.
#4: It’s okay if it wasn’t meant to be.
Coming to accept that a relationship wasnít meant to be is a key factor in healing. If you had started projecting your relationship into the future – considering marriage, thinking about children – and then the person you were with broke everything off, consider it a blessing. It is better to end a relationship that wasn’t meant to be earlier rather than later.
There is a kind of fatalistic element to this belief, and maybe you believe in something like that or you don’t. But in times of strife and high emotion, I’ve found it comforting. You can always dump the belief later – when you feel better.
#5: Good things don’t happen unless you make them happen.
Finally, the last lesson I want to share with you is that you can’t control what happened, but you can control to how you react to what happened. If you want good things to happen in the future, you have to make them happen.
That means getting back on the horse. Go out, meet new potential dates. Have some fun. Eventually, you will find another relationship. But there’s no rush. The watchword is fun, and the key principle is one date/meeting at a time. If you both enjoyed skimming stones at the beach you’ll probably both want to meet for a coffee some time. If you both enjoy the coffee rendezvous, you’ll both want a third meeting – and so on. Don’t plan further ahead than the next meeting, (if there is one), until you are both very, very ready.
And, if you have followed the advice in this article about things I’ve learned from women who dumped me, the next relationship will be better and stronger than the last one – because you will be better and stronger.
[divider_bar_wide]divider [/divider_bar_wide]
Relationship Tips: Keeping It Fun, Fresh & Exciting!
(Please give video up to 2 minutes to start playing – don’t know why it’s slow – sorry! Ed. )