Letter from the Editor
Dear Reader
Welcome to Love Recovery Issue 2!
Be sure to scroll all the way down so you don’t miss a thing! This month’s video tips will give you some great ideas for conversation starters! Better than awkward silences at the start of your date!
This month’s articles focus on the all important and somewhat serious topic of healing after a break up. That can be a long journey for some. In case that’s you, let me tell you the story of a king who once sent out all the wisest men in his realm to seek out the answer to the question: “How can I make all my troubles go away?”
Decades passed. Wise men and wizards offered up spells and all manner of things, but none solved the problem.
One day, by which time the king was very old, a wise man begged to be granted an audience. He swore he had the answer to the king’s problem. The king, as you might imagine, was deeply sceptical and tried to send the man away. But the man was insistent and eventually the king granted him five minutes, no more.
The wise man bowed before the king and then produced from a pocket in his robe a small box. When he opened the box, inside was a beautiful gold ring.
The king exploded. “A ring!” he bellowed. “How could that make all my troubles go away?”
“Look closer,” the wise men pleaded. Putting on his royal glasses, the king saw that the ring was inscribed. The words read:
“This too shall pass.”
“All you have to do, majesty, is to wear the ring and whenever trouble strikes, look at the inscription. It will remind you that however bad things seem, it will not last forever.”
And the king rewarded the wise man handsomely. And he wore that ring until the day he died.
Remember you are WORTHY of love. There’s only one you so proclaim your uniqueness and celebrate your differences.
Keep loving yourself!
Until soon,
Trevor.
P.S. Why not join the Love Recovery Facebook group? There you can interact with other subscribers and check in with me to ask advice, share breakthroughs, get support through the tough times and make some new friends … and who knows where that could lead? Here’s the link: https://www.facebook.com/groups/394165217350468/
(Just click on “Join” and wait for approval which may take a few minutes to a day or so depending what time of day it is in the UK!)
P.P.S. Please tell us what YOU would like to see written about in LRN. If you have a love recovery issue, or a tip for those on this journey, let us know and your idea could be published for hundreds, maybe thousands of readers to benefit from.
Simply write to us at loverecoverynewsletter@wizardofwisdom.com
[divider_bar_wide]divider [/divider_bar_wide]
Featured Article
Healing Yourself First
Life is all about self-discovery. You just don’t wake up one day and say you’ve reached your end and that you’ve fulfilled your destiny. Every step is a learning experience. And it’s a sad but true fact that it’s often the most painful experiences that become our greatest teachers – and ultimately, healers.
The path to enlightenment is long, tedious, and difficult. But once you do get there, you’ll definitely thank your past for making you the way you are now. Admittedly, you have to realize this before you embark on another serious relationship. You may have a great career going for you, you’re happy with your social life, but there’s still something missing. That one person you care most about seems to drift further away from you each day.
Time to Let Go
Let go of all anger and regret because this is what stops you from finding your happiness. Easier said than done, but the key is not to resist the angry feelings, but to acknowledge them. Just as a scab must form on a wound so that new skin can grow beneath, so negative feelings must surface before the peace that lies not so far beneath can shine through.
Inner peace is all about resolving all your physical, emotional, and psychological issues first. It may sound easy but when you do have a lot of pain, you somehow find yourself holding on to it for fear that bad things could happen once again. Remove all forms of baggage. Your past belongs right there. You can’t undo anything. There’s no time machine to help you correct the mistakes youíve committed. So why cry over spilt milk? Instead, make sure to mop the mess and look towards the future instead. Get out of your cocoon and embrace the change. Take solace in your friends. Recognize all the good things you have because despite of all the wrong that you did, you do deserve the best.
It’s time to let go of control. There are just some things in life that you can’t dictate, especially when it comes to issues with your partner. This also means that you have to stop comparing yourself to his or her past. Each person is unique and they also do have their own issues to deal with. Work with what you have and though your name won’t go down in history, you know what you’ve done and you’ve also made an impact in their life.
Just remember that if you’re controlling the situation, you’re actually on the losing end. Besides, it’s exhausting! Let things be. As long as you’re working hard to becoming a better, happier person, your relationship will eventually work to your advantage. You may not get what you want all the time, and indeed, you may well end up in a new and different relationship, but you have to learn how to adjust. There’s always a backup plan, a way out, which means that you need not fear anything because you’ll always find there is a solution as long as you give yourself time. Nature takes care of it – and you are a part of nature.
Embrace the Future
You will let go of control as soon as you understand that the only thing you can change is yourself. Some people will always be keen on putting others down. This is there way of making themselves feel big, but unless they stop doing it, they will end up alone and friendless. Let that be their problem.
Let them be because you’ll be setting a good example by healing yourself. Live your life the best way you know how, and as long as the people you care most about support you, then your confidence shines through. The more you do this, the more you will automatically draw happy, confident, self loving people to you.
More importantly, you should just be happy with the fact that you’re making things better for you and that the true reward comes when you’re happy with yourself. You become more attractive and lovable just by knowing that you’re worth it.
[divider_bar_wide]divider [/divider_bar_wide]
Cutting The Ties: Getting Closure On A Broken Relationship
There comes a time after a break up when you know you have to move on, but you still want to cling to the past. The result is (temporary) paralysis, emotionally speaking.
You’ll stagnate and feel frustrated in this state, so here are some tips for you to heed to get yourself moving again.
Begin with your own thoughts. You need to get into the right mindset because what’s keeping you stuck is the fear of how you’ll feel afterwards. Remember that you are a worthwhile person. Also remember that it’s perfectly natural to feel some sadness. Endings are sad. But new beginnings are refreshing and exciting too. A relationship, like tennis is a two player game. If one person is no longer sending the ball back, the game is over.
Now, gather up any remaining possessions of his/hers. If they really took every last thing, perhaps there’s a photo or a gift that reminds you of them. This isn’t to be handed back with bitterness, but with love. Arrange, if you can, an exchange. Your ex needs to let go of you too.
If they are truly unreachable, send them or, as a last resort, arrange to burn them, but if you do that, have a friend standing by to console you afterwards. You don’t want to do that alone.
If you owe each other any money, now is the time to pay up. As you can see, the idea is to close out the ties that bind.
Then, tell your ex that you don’t want to see or talk to each other for a little while. While it is possible that you’ll be friends in the future, avoid calling, texting, and emailing each other. Also, don’t make a point of following your ex on Facebook or MySpace. The more you clear him or her out of your system, you are better able to move on.
Part of healing a broken heart is to get back into the world as soon as possible. This is a three step process.
First, engage with your friends and family. Let them support you through this grieving process. But, don’t bore them with your troubles. You will want to talk about how you feel, so a good rule of thumb is to have an agreement that the first ten minutes of your meeting will be for that. Get it over with, have them call time and then go and have some fun.
Second, engage with the world at large. Go to the gym and work out because it will make you look and feel better. Buy yourself some new clothes. Spruce up your home. You don’t have to redecorate the whole place – just tidying your desk will do! Then, look at activities you can start up to fill your time such as a book group or a cooking class.
If at all possible, try to get involved with something larger than yourself by volunteering. Not only does this fill up your time and take your energy, it also lifts your spirits.
Third, start to date again. You don’t need to fall in love with the first man or woman that you meet. Sometimes dinner is just dinner. Plan to go out on a number of dates with different people during this time when you are testing the waters. Show them a good time, but don’t feel obligated to fall in love. Remember that a rebound relationship is rarely fun for the other person.
Healing a broken heart takes time. But you will not be in this position forever. You will begin to love again.
[divider_bar_wide]divider [/divider_bar_wide]
Dating Tips 2: Great Conversation Starters!
(Please give video up to 2 minutes to start playing – don’t know why it’s slow – sorry! Ed. )